Fantasies Fulfilled
by twinklebug
Summary: Written for wtffanfiction's Most Implausible Sex Scene Contest. Edward knows Jacob wants him. Will he regret living out his fantasies?


Warning: Kids, don't try ANY of this at home!

Edward couldn't fight this feeling anymore. He knew Jacob felt the same. So he took off his shirt, laid in a sunbeam, and let his sparkles light up the room like a disco ball while he posed sexily in wait for his soon-to-be lover.

As Jacob walked in the door, he was greeted with the sight of a half-naked glittering beacon of masculine glory staring him down seductively. Crap! Edward must have heard his dirty thoughts! Was he making fun of him, or propositioning? Jacob didn't know which he feared more.

"Um, hey Edward." he said awkwardly. "Whatcha doing?"

"Don't pretend you don't want me, baby. All your fantasies can come true right now," Edward purred, slowly stroking his own crotch.

"Dude, I'd like to, but I'm sort of, like, engaged to your daughter," said Jacob.

"You think she doesn't know how you feel about me already? Idk, she seems cool about it. I mean, she was also cool with the fact that her first memory of both of us is wanting to abort her, so I think she forgives pretty easily?"

"That's true," said Jacob. He ripped off his own shirt, revealing his sexy chiseled chest. He had been wanting to screw Edward for a long time. "What the heck, let's do it." They started to furiously make out while they wriggled out of their pants. They both got massive hard-ons.

Given Bella's description of their wedding night and how they "fit together perfectly like they were made for each other", Jacob had naturally assumed that Edward had a really tiny dick. But he was quite mistaken. His trouser truncheon was at least a foot long, and was the diameter of a soda can. "If I shake it, will it explode on me?", he thought. Jacob had a better idea and immediately started deepthroating the massive sparkly cocksicle instead. He moaned into it as the thick lavender head found the prostate in his throat and hit it over and over again, causing his own cock to twitch uncontrollably in response. Edward's hairy, flower-scented balls rhythmically slapped Jacob's chin as he bobbed along his length, and finally they clenched up and sprayed gallons of glittery cum down his throat. It tasted a lot like that overpriced lavender-flavored soda that Rosalie always brought home from Market of Choice, only thicker. Then Edward got down on all fours.

"Ride me!" he panted. "Go on, make me your bitch!" Jacob felt as though he had a super strong north-facing magnet stuck in his cock and Edward had an equally strong south-facing magnet buried deep in his ass. He forced himself to back away from the desperate pull of his desire, just enough to get a running start and take a plunging leap into Edward's sparkly virgin hole. Edward squealed a little as his butt-hymen burst in a spray of sparkles. Jacob began thrusting uncontrollably in the lukewarm tightness of the vampire's ass, the friction making a "squeaka-squeaka-squeaka" noise with every thrust. It felt great, and Edward was instantly erect all over again, but it was a wee bit painful. "Maybe... maybe we should have found some lube or something?" he gasped. Without stopping, Jacob reached over as far as he could to a nearby cupboard and grabbed the closest bottle he could find. "Drano Foaming Pipe Snake", he thought. "This works." He poured the liquids onto his dick. The bottle hadn't lied; his pipe snake was now very foamy indeed. It also felt like it was on fire, but that only increased his building orgasm. Edward moaned at the delicious tingling and burning sensation as the foam snaked deep through his internal plumbing, hitting every single g-spot along his intestines.

"UNHHHHH! SHIT!" he grunted. "FUCK YES! FUCK ME LIKE A RABID WOLF, BABY! YES! BITE ME! GRRRR!" Jacob was gnawing sexily on his neck. Then, still thrusting, he balanced precariously on one foot and one hand while he bent his head all the way down to chomp on Edward's nipple. "FUCK YES!" Edward moaned. Jacob came so hard that his jizz squirted out Edward's mouth. His happy quivering innards soaked up Jacob's cum like they were bread and it was soup. Jacob immediately felt a second wind building, and plunged his dick right back in. "OH BABY..." Edward sighed. Just then, the door opened. Bella walked in, mouth agape.

"Do you guys have... dick rabies... or something?" she asked, unsure of what else to say.

"Oh come on, you know you think this is hot," said Edward.

"Join us?" said Jacob.

"Sure," Bella shrugged. She poured some Drano in her gaping snatch, positioned herself under Edward, and started instantly orgasming from his amazing sparkledick.

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!" she gasped. "YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD MAKE THIS EVEN BETTER?! A TRAMPOLINE!"

"Sounds like Alice has been giving you ideas," panted Jacob.

"Let's do it!" said Edward. They awkwardly got up, continuing to thrust into each other as they walked slowly out to the backyard in an odd mating dance. Finally, still connected, they made their way onto the trampoline. Edward and Jacob used their combined vampire and werewolf strength to jump so high that the neighbors could probably see them. The three of them shifted in midair so that Bella was facing the ground. Then they fell onto the trampoline again, with both men's cocks thrusting as deep and hard into their partners as they possibly could. They did that over and over until the bounce died down. As they were getting ready to jump again, they noticed someone watching them.

"Oh shit!" said Jacob. Renesmee was staring at them with a bottle of Drano in one hand and a strap-on dildo in the other. In half-vampire years, she was basically almost 18 now.

"Wow, I'm almost old enough to marry you and you decide to screw my parents? At least let me in on the fun!" she said, putting on the strap-on.

"Yeah, but... Nessie, I'm in the middle of screwing your parents! Don't you think that's a little awkward?"

"Awkward?" she replied. "I can psychically hear everyone in this house have sex all the freakin' time. I'm kind of immune to awkward. Also, we've been engaged since I was born, with my parents' blessing, so it's not like we've ever been a normal functioning family."

"Fair point," said Bella, "but where did you get that strap-on?"

"Oh, it's Aunt Alice's. She lets me borrow it sometimes." Jacob decided not to ask about the "sometimes" she was referring to and spread his ass cheeks for her. It turned out he didn't need lube at all, since the massive cumload from the previous blowjob was now dribbling out his ass since there was so much of it. She slammed the dildo in and immediately hit his prostate, making him see stars. But then she used her awesome psychic powers to completely overload the pleasure centers in his brain. Jacob screamed and came like a firehose, catapulting both Edward and Bella far into the woods, and passed out.

"That'll teach you assholes to fuck my fiance!" Renesmee shouted after them.

Sometime later, Edward picked the leaves out of his hair and made his way back to the house. He felt kind of sick. Carlisle ran some tests and said, "Edward, you're pregnant."

"What?" said Edward.

"I saw the video Alice secretly took. One of Bella's eggs must have traveled up your peehole and into your digestive tract where it mixed with Jacob's sperm. You're pregnant with their baby."

"Shit." said Edward.

The end.


End file.
